Rhythms vs. Routines: A Chat Between Generations
The other day, my daughter-in-law Bri and I sat down with cups of tea in hand, the kind of leisurely conversation you don’t take for granted when there are little ones running around. Bri’s three kids were scattered across the living room: Remy, her 13-year-old, was crafting something intricate out of yarn, Liam was sprawled on the couch with a hero figure, and little Josie, just a few months old, was napping on Mama’s lap. Watching them, we found ourselves reflecting on how parenting has changed—sometimes drastically—over the years.
We got to talking about something I hadn’t thought much about in a while: the difference between rhythms and routines, especially when it comes to raising children. Bri said, “You know, I used to be such a stickler for routines with Remy. Everything was by the book: naps at a certain time, bottles measured to the ounce, bedtime stories at 7:15 sharp. But with JoJo… I don’t know. It’s more like I’m trying to follow her rhythm than forcing her into a routine.”
That hit me. I leaned back, letting the thought marinate. It’s funny how much the world—and our approach to parenting—can change in just over a decade
What Are Rhythms and Routines?
Before we get too deep, let’s pin down what we mean. Routines are structured. They’re the carefully scheduled nap times, the strict bedtime rituals, and the “bath, book, bed” playbook so many of us cling to in those exhausting early years. Routines are predictable, repeatable, and (in theory) keep chaos at bay.
Rhythms, on the other hand, feel more fluid. They’re about paying attention to the natural ebb and flow of your child’s needs and letting those guide the day. Instead of deciding that nap time must happen at 2 p.m., you watch for the sleepy cues—rubbing eyes, yawning, getting cranky—and let the nap happen when it feels right.
Neither approach is inherently better. They’re just… different.
“With Remy, I was so worried about messing up her schedule that I barely listened to her cues. I just kept thinking, ‘This is what the book says!’”
What Changed Between 2011 and 2025?
When Remy was born in 2011, there was a massive push for parents to establish routines. Parenting books, blogs, and experts all seemed to agree: babies thrive on structure. Routines were seen as the holy grail for getting your baby to sleep through the night and, let’s be honest, for maintaining your sanity as a parent.
But now, in 2025, there’s been a shift. More parents are talking about rhythms. They’re embracing the idea that every baby is unique and that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. It’s not about throwing routines out the window—it’s about softening them, letting them bend and flex to fit the baby instead of the other way around.
Bri said, “With Remy, I was so worried about messing up her schedule that I barely listened to her cues. I just kept thinking, ‘This is what the book says!’ But with JoJo, I’m learning to watch her more. She’s teaching me her rhythm, and I’m trying to go with it.”
Big sister Remy plays with baby sister Josie
The Science of Sleep: What Do Studies Say?
Our conversation got me curious, so I did a little digging. One of the big questions we wrestled with was whether babies really do better with routines—or if rhythms might be just as good.
Sleep studies tell us that babies’ circadian rhythms (their internal body clocks) take time to develop. Newborns don’t produce melatonin, the sleep hormone, on their own until about three months of age. That’s why those first weeks feel like a blur of waking, feeding, and sleeping at all hours of the day and night.
A 2020 study published in Pediatrics found that consistent bedtime routines can help babies fall asleep faster and sleep for longer stretches. Routines signal to the brain that it’s time to wind down. However, the same study emphasized the importance of flexibility, especially in the early months. Babies don’t know the difference between 7:00 p.m. and 7:15 p.m.—what matters is the overall sense of predictability.
Another study from the Journal of Sleep Research highlighted the benefits of responsive parenting when it comes to sleep. Babies whose parents followed their cues—rocking them when they were fussy, putting them down when they seemed drowsy—tended to develop more secure sleep patterns over time.
In short: routines are helpful, but rhythms matter too.
My Parenting Journey
I thought back to when I was raising my kids. To be honest, I don’t think I even knew the word “circadian rhythm” back then! We just did what felt right. We had routines, sure—milking the goats, feeding the chickens, homeschooling lessons in the mornings—but they weren’t rigid. Life on the homestead didn’t allow for that. If a goat went into labor or a storm rolled in, the whole day might get upended.
When it came to babies, I suppose I leaned more toward rhythms than routines. I nursed on demand, let naps happen when they happened, and trusted that my kids would fall into their own patterns over time. Looking back, I wonder if that’s why I don’t remember the baby years feeling as overwhelming as some of my friends did.
Bri’s Balancing Act
Bri, though, has the best of both worlds. She’s got the wisdom of experience and the benefit of modern research to guide her. “I still love a good bedtime routine,” she admitted. “It helps me feel grounded, and the kids seem to like it too. But I’m not tied to the clock anymore. If JoJo needs an extra cuddle or a later nap, I let it happen.”
“There’s no perfect way to raise a child, but there are a thousand good ones.”
She told me about a night a few weeks ago when Josie just wouldn’t settle. Instead of stressing about the fact that bedtime was slipping later and later, Bri popped her in a baby carrier and went for a walk around the neighborhood. “She fell asleep so peacefully,” Bri said, smiling. “And honestly, I needed the fresh air too.”
What’s Best for You?
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years as a mom, grandma, and now a soon-to-be homesteader again, it’s that parenting isn’t about following someone else’s rules. It’s about finding what works for your family.
For some parents, routines are a lifesaver. They thrive on structure, and their kids seem to do well with it too. For others, rhythms feel more natural. They embrace the ebb and flow of each day, trusting that their children will find their own patterns.
The truth is, most of us land somewhere in the middle. We mix a little routine with a little rhythm, adapting as we go. And that’s okay.
Lessons Learned Over Tea (or Coffee)
As Bri and I wrapped up our conversation, I realized how much I admire her. Parenting is harder now than it was in my day, I think. There’s more information, more pressure, more judgment from all sides. But Bri handles it with such grace. She’s raising three wonderful kids, each with their own unique rhythms, and finding her own way through it all.
It reminded me of something my Memaw used to say: “There’s no perfect way to raise a child, but there are a thousand good ones.” Whether you lean toward routines, rhythms, or a mix of both, what matters most is that your kids feel loved, safe, and seen.
As for me, I’m glad I had that chat with Bri. It reminded me that even though the details of parenting change from generation to generation, the heart of it stays the same. We’re all just doing the best we can to nurture these little souls entrusted to us, one day—and one rhythm—at a time.